Drinking Etiquette (for Conventions and Public Gatherings)

In light of my recent Saturday night con experience, it occurs to me that not everyone remains the consummate (if blacked out) professional I am when imbibing beverages of the alcoholic persuasion. These are in no particular order, at least in my original draft of this entry.

  • Never say or do anything you wouldn’t if sober.
  • Always back your actions. Don’t blame it on being drunk since alcohol only uninhibits you, it doesn’t change your opinion.
  • It’s better to drink with a buddy than to drink alone.
  • Drinking on an empty stomach is not recommended.
  • Water is your friend
  • If you can’t stand, you can’t drink.
  • Drunk texting/tweeting is not allowed, unless relaying a hilarious story.
  • Admit to being drunk in the moment or the next day. People can tell, and denying makes you look like a fool.
  • Never vomit on anyone. Hotel planters are allowed, but in a bathroom (toilet, not sink) or privately in nature are the preferred options.
  • If you vomit, you have two options: 1) Call it a night, return home, and brush those teeth. 2) Pop some gun (mints will NOT do the trick), grab your other drink (for your double-fisters out there) and proceed to get the party-restarted like you just got a new lease on life.
  • If you’re a freelancer, realize your antics may cost you work due to appearing unprofessional. Of course, it might also gain you work if you’re entertaining enough. The latter case is extremely rare and should not be used as advice for how to break into comics.
  • If you’re an employee at a company, your actions represent that company. It’s one thing to make a fool of yourself, and quite another to make a fool of your company, your co-workers, and/or your boss.
  • San Diego has street cleaners working at 3am who will yell at you for “pissing all over [their] street if you can’t aim properly.
  • Know when to say when.

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